I wanted to make this blog a little more personal. Even though this is an anonymous blog (which is freaking difficult some times) i feel like the readers should know more about me and know if they have the same problems, that they are not alone.
To start off, i have mild anxiety. As common as it may seem it is scary none the less and at times id rather talk to a wall than go outside and socialise, ill freak out and over think yet its completely out of my control. FYI, if you tell me to calm down and stop worrying... Run for your life because when i get my breath back from panicking i may kill you.
Its horrible for anyone my age or even older or younger to have anxiety. In all honesty, its changed my life! I cant help that i overthink and panic whenever i sense something bad, its not my fault! It happens in school, at home, at days out... everywhere i go i manage to find something to internally freak out about until i have a panic attack. This is not the life i want to live!
The one thing i will never forget is the way it feels... The way my chest feels like its collapsing and i cant breathe, my mind goes cloudy and i then heighten the panic about not knowing whats going on. When i have to drag my hyperventilating body to where ever my mum is so she can calm me down is terrifying for any mum to have to watch. Im sorry to my mum that i do that to her.
For anyone who has any problems - it does not have to be anxiety - do not bottle up these emotions from the people you care about because once you do, everything becomes a whole lot scarier. Be open with your issues, if not, you can be ensured i am always here to talk to you if there is anything you need to express.
Take care of yourselves :)
To you all, i am just a Hidden Identity...
This post is so inspirational.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely promise you that it does get better. I know that seems to be the thing that they all say, but it did for me, and it has for so many others, so it's destined to be the same for you.
I used to suffer from anxiety which would I now deem severe, considering the extent to which it took over my life. Similarly, I couldn't leave the house without panicking - and daily, my mother would have to stop me from crying and persuade me to go to school, where I struggled to make friends as my anxiety stopped me from entering the crowded buildings in which I feared I would become anxious and lose consciousness.
Over time, I gradually seemed to have recovered. I remember the feeling of anxiety attacks so vividly - the lost control, the hyperventilation, the thumping heartbeat, the uncontrollable trembling and the blurred vision, all in the midst of a normal, everyday scenario, in which your peers are unaware of what is happening going on within your body. I haven't experienced such a sensation in months now, and I had never expected to be able to say that.
It's astonishing to think about how far things seem to have advanced since then; I mean, I can now enter the city centre on my own. I now can go to school without fear, and socialise with friends.
It seems bizarre, doesn't it? The thought processes experienced by an anxiety sufferer often feel particular to the individual, and I suppose that's one of the major reasons as to why people are often afraid to speak out about it. They worry that they won't be understood - that they're bad as a person for experiencing these emotions, and that they would be judged if they were to speak up. We truthfully know that our fearful assumptions are wrong, however, it's still easy to fall into the trap of feeling this way.
And I'm not trying to convey the idea that any of the journey will be easy, because it is not. There are good days, and there are bad days. We don't just recover in an instant. I still hope you know that recovery still remains your destiny, and that you're a lot stronger than you probably seem to comprehend. You're also never alone, and I'm certain that there are so many people that you can reach out to when you need them.
Sending virtual hugs (they're just as good as the real equivalent!),
Kate x
www.theteenaspect.blogspot.co.uk